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When sex fantasy becomes a problem

Most people have sexual fantasies, which are a natural way to express individual's sexual and sensual side. Their content varies depending on such factors as age, gender, sexual drive, sexual history, and possible deviations if any of a dreamer. Sexual fantasies may appear during day dreams, during intercourse and while performing solo sex. Some people will have quite a permanent patterns, while others have lively and abundant erotic imagination. In fact, sexual fantasies have beneficial effect on our intimate life, making it exciting and fulfilling.

What are benefits of sexual fantasies?

  • help to reduce tension, stress or frustration
  • have stimulating effect on one's sexuality
  • widen the erotic repertoire of a couple

What sexual fantasies have to say about you?
Sexual fantasies basically belong to the world of the subconscious and are explored in many studies. Generally, pregnancy of erotic imagination is indication of great physical appetite, for women in particular. Women imagining various sexual experiences quite frequently are said to find more satisfaction in their intimate life.

Though basically sexual fantasies usually reflect our intimate preferences, sometimes they have a lot to do with the personality and inner conflicts as well. In this regard they may have relatively non-sexual nature, being a means to deal with stress or aggressive urges or a compensation for low self-esteem.

Can sexual fantasies become a problem?
Although sex fantasies can positively influence our sexual life, sometimes they can cause troubles for their owners. Taking into account that sexual fantasy provides unlimited freedom, many of them can be characterized as "unwanted if realized". For example, a man fantasying about having sex with a man may fear he is a gay, or a wife dreaming about an intercourse with unknown man may think she is cheating on her husband. Thus very often sex fantasies are accompanied by guilt feelings, which in its turn can worsen the situation if left unsolved. Other sex fantasies may involve perversive activity which is highly disapproved in society and thus making a person with "nasty thoughts" keep his sexual depictions to himself.
In this situation sex fantasies may border on obsession, causing unwanted feelings of low self-esteem or creating tension between partners.

How to overcome sexual fantasies disturbance?

1. Get to the core of the matter
You may need to understand whether your fantasy comes from unresolved inner problem or simply is a part of your sexual expression. It is proved that very often the only presence of disturbing fantasy doesn't imply the person is going to fulfill it and thus there is no need to be ashamed of it. If it still troubles your mind, your best policy should be self-exploration. Are you having a tense period in your relationships? Or have you gone through unpleasant episode in the past? Once suppressed, these difficult moments could be transformed into troubling sex fantasies.

2. Accept your sex fantasy
Avoidance of the obnoxious sex fantasy may lead to increased tension. It is known that the problem remains actual when unfinished, thus the first step in dealing with disturbing fantasy is to accept it. You should understand that many people have the same or similar fantasies, which doesn't characterize them as perversive or dirty.

3. Search for better realization
To release from your sexual fantasy pressure is primarily to make it a reality. But if you know that realization of your sex fantasy may cause harm to you or those around you, it is recommended to reduce it to a safe and probably somewhat modified experience.
One way to convert a fantasy into an accommodating reality is to change the way of realization. If you know that the core of your fantasy is inner tension, try to give a way to aggressive or tense urges by defeating the aggression itself practicing sport or simply be letting off steam. Another way is to transform some elements in your fantasy so that it becomes trouble-free, for example, by performing a role-playing.

4. Devitalize it
If safe realization doesn't work, another solution is to make your sex fantasy less important. You may engage in intense non-sexual activity that will require most efforts to diminish the significance of obsessive erotic urges. There is no need to entirely avoid sexual activity. You may just channel your energy onto a less extreme track, taking sex as a play.
Managing unpleasant sex fantasies may require some time and efforts, but keep in mind that your sex fantasies may also turn your intimate life into endless enjoyable experience. All you need is to find a better way to include them in erotic scenario and learn to derive pleasure from your imagination.

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