My child is homosexual. What should I do about this?
Perhaps this was your reaction when you found out that your son or daughter is homosexual. You knew that homosexuality existed, but you could not even suppose it could become your problem. However, you are not an exception. At least one of ten people sooner or later finds out he or she has an inclination to homosexuality. Some people realize they differ from others at quite an early age. Other homosexuals admit their sexual orientation being adults after getting some experience of heterosexual relationships which turned out to make them unhappy.
One of ten…..This means that at least in one of seven families there is a homosexual child. And this in its turn means that very many parents face such a phenomenon as homosexuality. Some of such parents get disappointed and even angry. Other ones have many questions, such as:
What should I do about this?
Is my child going to be happy?
Am I to blame about my son’s (daughter’s) homosexuality?
These questions and fears are quite natural for parents whose daughter turned out to be a lesbian or whose son turned out to be a gay. Perhaps you feel helpless, because you do not know who can answer your questions. What do usual people about homosexuality? Usually their knowledge is limited to some common prejudices which are equally wrong and ineradicable.
Perhaps you are ready to do anything to “treat” your child for homosexuality? May be you think your daughter or son should apply to church to cope with this sin?
Are you going to make all these efforts for your child, or is this you who faces difficulties about your child’s being different from others?
Homosexuality is love
To think that homosexuality is a disease which can be somehow coped with, means to underestimate your child. Homosexuality is simply otherness.
Most people love someone of the opposite sex.
Homosexuals love people of the same gender.
By the way, there is no difference between your “to love” and their “to love” To love is to feel tenderness, to care for someone, to have sex, to feel comfortable when staying together with a certain person. Actually, relationships between homosexuals imply the same as relationships between a man and a woman.
Then what is homosexuality
Homosexual people feel attraction to persons of the same gender. But this attraction is not limited to bed. Some gays and lesbians have quite long lasting relationships with one partner. Other ones prefer to remain independent; therefore they have something like family life (dinning and watching TV together with the partner, going to the cinema, giving parties) only on days off. Other homosexuals prefer loneliness and occasional sex contacts. Your child as well as other people will choose the sort of relationships he or she likes.
A homosexual doctor is simply a doctor.
A homosexual shop-assistant - is simply a shop-assistant.
A teacher-lesbian – is simply a teacher.
A homosexual is not an exception
They are everywhere. They are driving taxi you are going by, you are speaking to them on the phone, they help you if you apply for their help. Are you sure there are no homosexuals among your married friends? Many homosexuals men and women are married. Being under pressure of parents, society, to say nothing of church they had to accommodate themselves to common idea of normal way of living. Perhaps now they are happy they have children, but their hears belong to another, homosexual love. Many of them wish they had been more honest with themselves when being young.
The moment when confess to the partner about their sexual orientation is very painful. When thinking about the past they wish they had parents they could be sincere with, parents who would not make them choose generally accepted but unsuitable for them way of living. But you do not want your child to blame you for his or her unhappiness, do you?
You think about the future. You think you have no future and you cannot imagine the future of your daughter or son. Your child is not up to your expectations.
But this is your child’s future, rather than your own one. Every person has the right for his or her future. Everyone tries to make his or her own life according to personal wishes and desires.
Feeling of guilt
I allowed my son to play dolls!
My daughter was brought up in a “male” family!
My wife always was so tender with our son!
You certainly can add some other reasons for your child’s homosexuality. No matter what reason you find, it is wrong.
Many parents cannot help asking themselves such questions as: What was my fault? What could I do to prevent this trouble?
Stop blaming yourself. Believe it or not, any child is influenced by his or her family only partially. There are many other factors which greatly influence forming of personality: surrounding world, communication with friends, relationships with other people. All these factors as well as personal properties form a person who has his or her own temper, own preferences and a certain attitude towards life.
As life shows, a child realizes he or she is a homosexual earlier than the parents do. Now, that your child is adult enough you can ask your daughter or son to tell you something about such a phenomenon as homosexuality. But observe one condition: you should not advice your child anything. You are going to listen to your child because this is he who knows about homosexuality much more than you. Let your daughter or son tell you something interesting about the world you never belonged to. You will become more familiar with the world of homosexuality and your child will feel you support him whatever way of living he prefers.
Do not try to make your child be like all others. You will not manage to do this and instead of having a “normal” child you will have no daughter or son at all. Everyone has the right to be happy and your child as well. Respect this right.