Teen pregnancy. Who is to blame?
Teen pregnancy is rarely a desirable event for a girl as well as for other potential baby’s relatives. But the main trouble is not that the future mother is too young to bring up a baby. The fact is that such a pregnancy is usually caused by some certain problems and this means that the awaited baby is not going to be happy.
Why did this happen?
Most people consider teen pregnancy to be a tragedy, because a pregnant teenage girl inevitably feels lonely and condemned by the whole world. Actually, this poor girl had been lonely and had lacked mutual understanding with her parents long before she got pregnant. Teen pregnancy does cause problems, but the pregnancy itself is a consequence of problems a girl suffers from!
Let us see what factors provoke teen pregnancy:
1. Lack of knowledge about contraception
As often as not teen girls begin their sex life without any knowledge about female physiology and contraception. A girl might rely on her “more experienced” partner who is for example “already 16 whereas she is only 14.” Having nobody to speak with about such important matters as protection against unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, a girl cannot choose an effective method of contraception, she will not guess there is a connection between sex contact and absence of periods and she is very likely to think that her waist widening is the reason to go on a diet. No doubt in this case teen pregnancy is the result of lack of necessary sex education and trustful relationships with the parents.
2. “Risky behavior”
Very often girls who “consort with bad guys” get pregnant. Usually exactly these girls are blamed for risky behavior and pregnancy caused by it. But does anyone wonder why these girls keep company with criminals, drug addicts and other people of this sort? Usually the parents of a girl are to blame for such a situation. Feeling lonely and rejected by her parents a girl begins to look for “understanding” everywhere and when she finds it she subconsciously chooses the most risky type or behavior and does not care about her health, future and consequences sex contacts might cause.
Believe it or not, the vast majority of such rapes are committed by a girl’s friends or acquaintances, rather than by maniacs. But even if a teenage girl became a victim of a stranger, why did she happen to be in the street late at night? Was she turned out of the house or did she run away from home herself? May be her parents do not care about their daughter and they did not teach her safe behavior? Why weren’t the necessary preventive measures taken after the rape? May be because the girl could not tell her parents about the trouble which happened to her?
4. “Planned” pregnancy
Some girls try to solve their psychological problems in such a strange way. In particular they hope they will have someone who is going to love them (“Nobody loves me, but my baby will”) or they try affirm their being adult and independent (“Mom, how else can I prove I am a grown up and you should not teach me any longer?”). This is again a girl’s parents fault. As often as not some too caring parents refuse to realize their teens are already adults who have their own points of view which must be taken into consideration. As the result sons and daughters of such parents resort to any tricks to get rid of their parents care. Very often the ways such children choose to prove their being adult and reasonable people turn out to be wrong and even affecting the future of a girl or a boy. Do not overdo care for your child!
Little Mothers and Young Grandmothers
There is almost no mother who is going to be happy with her teen daughter’s pregnancy. Usually the first reaction is aggression and reproaches. But who is really to blame for such a trouble?
May be there is some use finding out who is to blame, but this is not going to help solve the problem. But if the mother really needs to blame someone, than she should look in the mirror. As a rule a girl’s psychological ill-being and its result – unwanted pregnancy - is caused exactly by her mother’s psychological illiteracy and inability to normally communicate with her daughter. And the daughter’s pregnancy is the main evidence of lack of trust and mutual understanding between the mother and the daughter.
What is more, the mother’s aggression often has some subconscious implications, such as “I am not ready to have grandchildren yet!” “You dared to change my life without my agreement”!
That is why in such a situation a girl should first of all go to a gynecologist, whereas her mother should apply to a psychotherapist, because as it has been said above a mother’s arguments might be based on her subconscious problems and complexes.
For example, if a mother, neglecting all her daughter and doctor’s arguments, insists on abortion, than she might have a subconscious unwillingness to become a grandmother or she can think “I do not want my daughter to become a mother. Let her always be a little girl” (in this case a mother does not want to lose the sense of her life, she does not want her daughter to have one more close person). A future grandmother can even think “Let her suffer from pain. Next time she will be more careful and will obey me”.
However, sometimes mothers insist on childbirth, neglecting possible pathology or their daughter’s psychological immaturity and even the fact that pregnancy is the result of rape.
In this case a mother’s persistence is illogical. It can imply such subconscious thoughts as “let my daughter give birth to a baby and become dependent on me forever” or “ she will see she should obey her parents”. Some mothers want to bring up their daughter’s babies like their own ones, thus proving “you are my property, you do not have anything of your own, even your children are mine”.
Everything mentioned above is quite shocking, therefore all women whose teen daughter’s happened to get pregnant, should necessarily apply to a psychologist or a psychiatrist to get rid of such subconscious and destructive motivations and to become their daughters’ best friends. Of course, a mother and a daughter should have become friends long ago, but better late than never.