Sex and sexuality

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• Beginning of sex life

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What your teen should know

No matter whether we want to believe it or not, the fact remains: teenage sex often has such sad consequences as psychological trauma, STDs or unwanted pregnancy which almost always ends with abortion.
What you being a parent of a teen can do to prevent such a trouble? Perhaps the best way out is a sincere conversation with your daughter or son.
Keep in mind that a teen is almost impossible to forbid something, but he can be successfully brought round by giving logical reasons.

Your task is to convince your son or daughter that everything is good in its season, that he or she must be disappointed with too early sex experience, that there are things he or she should not do in order to avoid troubles related to early beginning of sex life.
There are different kinds of sex activity which do not involve penetration of the vagina with penis, the most popular being petting (affectionate play without penetration which often involves touching genitals with hands and usually ends with orgasm), intercourse between the hips, mutual masturbation.

It is quite natural that most parents would not like their children to know about such things and would prefer their teens to remain virgins at least until attaining majority. But in most cases this is impossible whereas unwanted pregnancy and other troubles do occur.
Actually, sex education should begin much earlier, when your kid is 2 or three years old. But this does not mean you should not talk about sex with your teenage daughter or son simply hoping that the kid will cope with his or her problems alone. Take into consideration that your teen is not a baby he or she used to be 10 years ago. Usually teens know about sex much more than their parents suppose. Therefore you should begin your talk having read at least a few books about sex and teenage sexuality.

Try to speak openly, freely, without embarrassment, blushing and stumbling over the words. Perhaps at first you will feel awkward, but try not to concentrate on this feeling. Be sincere and call things by their proper names. No baby talk, no evasive phrases. Use either medical terminology (do not think this will lead to misunderstanding – most teens are quite familiar with medical terms, anyway you can ask your kid whether he or she understands you), or use everyday expressions.

What should you explain to him (her)?
First of all, you must try to prevent too early sex experience. Talk with your son about sex activities which can replace penetrating sex (petting, mutual masturbation, intercourse between hips). Convince him (her) that these “intercourse substitutes” as well as cares, embracement and kissing is enough for teens. This is true.

Most teenage boys get aroused so easily that sometimes a single touching can cause the boy to ejaculate. Actually, a teen does not necessarily need intercourse – he only wants to get satisfaction which can be achieved in another way. Convince your son he does not necessarily have to penetrate his partner’s vagina with the penis to get enjoyment. Manual (with hand) stimulation is the safest one. Petting is safe as well, provided both partners have their clothes on. Intercourse between hips is more risky, because the male partner being too aroused can penetrate the vagina. Besides this such an intercourse is not safe as STDs can be transmitted through it.
Secondly, talk with your teen about protection against unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
Do not be afraid that by speaking with your teen about such things you can arouse his (her) interest in sex. Your teen already knows quite much about sex. The information you provide your child with can only minimize the risk.

If the teen already has already begun sex life, than try to talk him into using safer ways to satisfy the need for erotic sensations. If you do not manage to do this, than convince him (her) to use a condom. Buy condoms for your teen and make sure he (she) always has it in the pocket: teens use any opportunity to make love and an aroused teen will hardly go to a drugstore to buy a condom.
Be persistent when explaining to him that a condom must necessarily be used to protect oneself against STDs. However, the condom cannot guarantee 100 per cent protection. Therefore convince the teen to visit a doctor regularly.

If you have a daughter, than explain to her that early sex life can be harmful for her immature genitals and can provoke such troubles as inflammatory diseases and even infertility. Let your daughter know about non-vaginal kinds of sex activity: petting, masturbation, etc.
Perhaps you will manage to prevent early beginning of sex life. If your daughter already has sex contacts than convince her consult a doctor to choose a method of contraception which will suit her best. But even if the doctor prescribes birth control pills the girl must necessarily use a condom to reduce the risk of infection with an STD.

But the most important thing is to establish trustful relationships with your teen. Your child must know you are his or her best friend who is worth trusting and speaking openly with. Only in this case your child will apply to you for your help if something bad happens to him.
You might ask “How can I make my child be sincere with me?” Just take into consideration the following statement “Teens lie to those parents who punish them for telling the truth”. Always keep it in mind.

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